The way to be proud of yourself isn’t by ticking off goals.
Although I used to think it was.
t was late April; a week since I had stood on stage in nothing but a two piece and heels, bronzed up and posing.
I was trying to appear elegant and graceful to cover my sheer terror of face planting it infront of judges, a crowd of randoms, my screaming (next level cheering!) sister and work colleague.
Looking back – I ticked the goal: to compete in the bikini division of my first body building competition.
To finally experience what all those girls on Instagram that I had been idolising for years had done.
But I was left feeling disappointed.
Sure, the goal was done. But I hadn’t got sustainable results with my body, which I had assumed would happen as a by-product of competing.
I was not consistently progressing towards the person I wanted to become.
I had made the goal the end stop, rather than a pit stop.
If you’re sick of making goals that have results that don’t stick, may these four bullet points of James Clear rock you at your core, as they did mine:
- If you’re a coach, your goal is to win a championship. Your system is what your team does at practice each day.
- If you’re a writer, your goal is to write a book. Your system is the writing schedule that you follow each week.
- If you’re a runner, your goal is to run a marathon. Your system is your training schedule for the month.
- If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to build a million dollar business. Your system is your sales and marketing process.
James goes on to further deliberate the idea that even if we were to ignore our goal and just focus on the the system, we would still get results.
Commit yourself to the process, not the goal.
2016 was such a freaking damn good year because I quit focusing on goals (after my body building comp adventure) and started focusing on systems.
Systems to upgrade all areas of my life.
Systems that delivered consistent and replicable results.
Systems, that at the end of the year, had me adoring life and feeling like I was getting my sh*t together.
Here are the top 6 systems/ ways of doing things that forever improved the quality of my life in 2016.
If that call to you, have a looksie. They may be a match made in heaven – or not. Flirt a little. Date and see. May 2017 be the best it can be.
1. The Zen (The F**K Out) For Your Mind, Space & Soul System
AKA: The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying by Marie Kondo.
This book will forever hold a huge space in my heart and bookshelf – as it nothing short of a miracle worker.
My mum and sister had a cyclone rating for my bedroom. It averaged a 5, never fluctuated below a 3. (For those who aren’t familiar with the cyclone ratings, 5 is the most destructive of cyclones.)
I would clean it and within one sleep, it’d be disastrous.
To this day I credit this book with possibly the biggest overhaul in all twenty-seven years of existence.
- You can see my floor, bed and all surfaces, at all times. My room is rarely not immaculate.
- I no longer spend accumulated hours trying to find my keys, handbag, phone whilst knowing running later by the minute for work.
- I can think clearly and am normally relaxed as my space is zenned.
- My space requires next to no upkeep (no more days dedicated to “cleaning my room”)
- I finish tasks I complete.
- I take more care of my clothes
- I buy less yet love my wardrobe even more
And… I finally feel like I have my sh*t together.
If you’re sick of living in clutter or a pigsty, take it from this skeptic-turned-convert there is another way.
Get your however skeptical paws on a copy of this book.
2. The Feel Sexy In Your Own Body System
Intimo saved me from contemplating a boob job.
I wrote about it here.
I thought I was forever doomed to wearing sports bras and looking like a prepubescent teenager in swimwear for the rest of my life – but it turns out I was just missing a good bra fitting and consistent bra sizes in my life.
This is lingerie for the ladies.
They have stringent protocols which means their bra sizes are consistent across their collections.
Goodbye to hours spent in Bras N Things stores umming about the fit and pop of my boobs and hello to happily perusing their latest monthly collections from the comfort of my sheets and laptop.
Confident I’ll be radiating how I dreamed.
Because I finally feel sexy.
In my own body.
Because I’ve got my bullet-proof confidence on courtesy of my intimates.
Get in touch. Book a fitting.
It’s an act of self love, dressed up.
3. The Saving Money & Time With Groceries System
(So you can spend it elsewhere!)
I’ll admit it, I was never interested in Aldi. Woolworths had me since the womb. Then mum started to branch out, and I could never take Aldi seriously when she came home with hauls of snow boots, Swedish kettles and the likes.
But I guess love changes you.
Well, relationships anyway. 😛 My main man (the handsome man I’m dating), is such an avid Aldi enthusiast, he could be a paid ambassador.
It is for the following reasons Woolies and I are now rare lovers, as Aldi has stolen my heart (and taken less of my money!):
- Minimal lanes, minimal brands.
You come to know what you love and spend less time finding it (or being seduced by the packaging of the competition). Read: grocery shopping is a fifteen minute trip, if not less.
- Set layout which varies only slightly from store to store.
Unlike other big brand supermarkets that are constantly changing what aisle things are in, you can count on knowing exactly where your fav muesli bars or packet of bananas are. Benefit? See point 1.
Like DOLLARS cheaper. But not second rate.
- Locally sourced.
My understanding is that Aldi’s business model does its best to source local brands. So here’s to supporting Aussie businesses and homes!
- Bring your own bags.
You make the mistake the first few times of completely forgetting and doing the balancing act in order to get to the car, but after that – it feels good to have you hipster reusable bags. Here’s to looking out for the planet and doing your bit.
- Mystery section.
AKA snow boots, massage table, fans and cigar box guitars.
This is probably my favourite part about Aldi as it’s like a lucky dip.
Every week they have different themes (geriatric week, pet week, camping week etc) where they sell bits and bobs related to that theme. I’ve picked up some great items that have always been of high quality.
So whether your rent has gone up just that extra bit this year or maybe it’s your year to save, date Aldi. Even for a bit. It may just steal your heart by putting money back in your pocket.
4. The Feel Sophisticated & Lady Boss System
AKA Have A Conversation With A Stylist
So this one is less of a system but needed to be noted – as my style and my relationship with my wardrobe changed significantly because of it.
The deal breaker: having a conversation (in the form of attending a workshop) with a stylist.
(Note: at the time of writing this I have just enrolled in Hilary Rushford‘s Style & Styleability class – things are about to get goooood!!)
THE DIFFERENCES THAT MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE:
- Understanding me.
My own blend. That while things may look good on me, they weren’t for me – this was called “my style”.
There are many ways you can uncover your own style.
Connie has a style quiz that allows you to see what style may best be subscribe to you. It allowed me to go to the shops and ask:
Would a whimsical person choose this?
Hilary Rushford has also got a stellar exercise in her 3 part style free styleability masterclass.
Your mission: pinterest stalk celebrities whose looks you absolutely adore (and wardrobes you would want to have). From there, you can ascertain the looks you naturally gravitate to.
- Each day is a new day.
A new day to emulate who I most wanted to become – beginning with my wardrobe.
How do I want to feel today?
Successful? Sexy? Relaxed.
Paired with the Access Consciousness tool:
Body, what would you like to wear today?
My body began digging what I adorned it with.
- Reinforced this: Am I wearing the item or is it wearing me?
(You want the earlier.)
- Permission to blend street wear and work wear.
The pieces in a closet can blend, mix and match – they don’t have to be separate wardrobes. Amen to not having to subscribe to boring corporate wear for work!
- I’m in love with nudes!
Nude strappy sandals, nude heels, nude bras; they are so versatile and go with everything.
- Hot Tip: Vinegar
Dash of vinegar in the fabric softener section of your washing machine. This is added at the very end of the wash, doesn’t make your clothes stink BUT does make the colours pop!
If you’re not feeling too crash hot in your own clothes or sick of imitating girls on instagram because you can’t spark a shred of creativity, find a way to start a conversation with a stylist. Or stalk their blog.
Operation: bridge the gap in your knowledge of how to dress so you feel even more like you – and the person you desire to become.
5. Be A Caring & Irresistible Partner System
Whether you’re flying solo or in a relationship, everyone can appreciate a good set of hands.
And no, not even in a sexual way (because I know your mind snuck there! :p)
In a few short days, Melt has created so much more intimacy and connection with my man and I.
From head massages and back rubs to hand and foot treats, Denis the instructor tastefully shows you how to seduce your partner’s body into becoming putty from your touch.
The videos are well explained, beautifully shot, Denis and his wife Emma are always fully clothed with nothing kinky going on. Their follow-along routines have well chosen, romantic music to set the scene.
The routines are also considerate to busy lifestyles; the head, hand and foot massages can all be delivered in under ten minutes, and there is a ten, fifteen and half hour back rub routine.
The perfect way to say “I love you” through your actions, just before bed (and without it feeling like a chore).
If you’re craving more one-on-one time with your partner, where they’re your source of relaxation, not frustration and especially if your love language is physical touch and/or quality time (like mine), Melt is your game changer.
And if you’re single? Who can resist swiping right on a massage offer on Tinder? 😛
6. The I Don’t Need Nobody For Pleasure System
(Alert: 18+. Because we’re talking about private bits and hush hush things.)
Emma Watson openly endorses it.
Over 120,000 have subscribed for Season 1.
And yet to talk about it still dances with the taboo list.
OMGYES is for anyone who wants to further explore female pleasure.
Yep, users are split 50/50, male and female – to be used in couples (heterosexual or otherwise) or solo.
It is an education tool that totally flipped my world upside down because it broke down the stigma of masturbation. (And I just wrote the M word. Hmm. Still feels like it should belong in a biology textbook that you quickly skim over.)
I’ve never been one for much hands on solo play. The idea was always quite a turn off based on my preconceived ideas of how it “had to be”.
OMGYES is the prescription generations have been waiting for.
The permission to start a conversation on how to please ourselves, without the seedy backdrops and dirty talk.
Masturbation finally got elegant.
This is not just an invitation to open your legs with dignity and explore, but to open up and be vulnerable, to know yourself more.
Your masterclass is online and your teachers are real women, being honest.
The videos are shot tastefully. Even still, I initially found it jolting to be looking at another woman’s VJJ while she shared her techniques. After about five minutes, it just was.
Because it was no longer taboo.
That is the beauty of the culture OMGYES has created.
While I haven’t gotten through all the modules, the very fact of starting this has allowed me to:
- Be independent of needing my man there to get off.
Perfect for days when he’s at work and I’m horny as heck!
- Have even better sex (and no longer need lube) – because our foreplay rocks.
We’re taking the time to stop and explore. To suss out what really gets the other one’s toes curling, what’s their oo-lala rhythm and touch.
- Feel more accepting of my body.
To know I am capable of pleasing it and understand what it likes.
Whether you’re wanting to flirt a bit more with yourself, up the ante in the bedroom or know that no matter how many are in the bed tonight, you are going to have fun, OMGYES may be for you.
Here’s to breaking down taboo, in the name of feeling good.
So there you have it.
6 things that rocked my world in 2016. Please let me know if you decide to explore and find you also love any of the above.
Here’s to making 2017 stand out from the years before!
~ tk xx
Picking Up What We’re Putting Out?
My teenage self has dressed my twenty-something body for too long.
Mirroring the exact looks from Pinterest, without the expensive American labels.
We were lying side by side for what could have been the thousandth time, but even in the dark, I had never felt so vulnerable.
I don’t remember the first time I said yes when I should have said no, but I do remember a few.